Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
