you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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