end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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