Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
