I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize