dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
