wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
