I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So. Much. Porn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
