that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
