There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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