The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
