Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
