Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
