After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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