Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
