why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
