So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
