what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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