and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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