the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
