Can i not drive my cunt home
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
