The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
