yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Houston, we have a blender
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
