Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
