Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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