do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
