I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
