meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
