He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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