you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
