I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize