Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we're so committed to being not committed
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
