There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
