i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
