I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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