just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
