Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
