Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
