so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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