at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
