I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Shame is for Republicans.
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