We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
