My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
