Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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