This girl is more easily done than said...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize