Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
