Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
