I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
