Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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