He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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