I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
