I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
