The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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