Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
