I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Found your dick twin last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
