its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
