i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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