I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
