so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
