Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
