My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
