Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
