I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize