She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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