you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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