I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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