Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
