I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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