I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
