I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
