so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
