Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
