You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
