What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
