Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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