It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize