For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
