This is not my ceiling
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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