belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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