thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
