worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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