in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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