just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
