I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How does it feel to date your dad?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
