I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
