We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
be right there i have to get my cape
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
