If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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