what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
