just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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