what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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